Thursday, January 6, 2011

Forgive me when I whine

Forgive Me When I Whine
Do you ever go to bed, shut your eyes and then you are quickly awake again thinking only five minutes has passed, but after looking at the clock you painfully realize that it’s time to wake up? What a horrible feeling! This happened to me last night and let me tell you, I didn't feel any motivation whatsoever to kick off my wonderful day with a grin. Do you remember the TV adds for Coast soap? The slogan was "The scent opens your eyes". I took a shower with my eyes shut the whole time! But hey, how often do your eyelids receive proper cleaning right? So I stomp through the house and am whining the whole time. I said things like "I never get enough sleep", "My days are too hectic", "Well I guess this is going to be another long day", "My back hurts", "Looks like today will be a bad hair day" and my ever so famous whine "I'm fat!”
Whining is something we could do 24/7 if we allowed ourselves. The lines at the grocery store are too long, the cost of living is going up, my clothes don’t fit like they use too. Don’t get me wrong, stating the truth isn’t whining, but how you state the truth could be whining. The definition of whine is:
To utter a plaintive, high-pitched, protracted sound, as in pain, fear, supplication, or complaint. To complain or protest in a childish fashion. Whining is generally useless. The only thing we learn from it is how “cartoonish” our voice can sound. Whining doesn’t look past the moment, it’s a simple act of negativity. A great writer, Nick Jans, a contributing writer for USA Today, wrote in June of 2004, “Why whine? Gas is pricey, but at least it's plentiful”.  Mr. Jans went on to say “We can never underestimate our power as individuals to effect change. But until we act as if gas prices and consumption matter — eschew our Explorers and Hemi-powered Dodges for energy-efficient alternatives — we can't even begin to complain.” There us always more than one perspective to a situation. We can whine and change nothing, or state the truth and promote ways to make bad things better.

I often think of a poem I heard some 15 years ago written by an unknown author and recited by the late gospel legend George Younce of the Cathedral Quartet.
Today upon a bus I saw a girl with golden hair. I envied her and wished I were as fair. Then I saw her rise and hobble down the aisle - She had one leg and wore a crutch, but as she passed, she smiled. Oh God, forgive me when I whine. I have two legs and the world is mine. And then later I stopped by a store to buy some sweets. The lad who sold them had such charm, I stayed to chat a while - If I were late, would do no harm. When I turned to leave, he said, "Thank you sir; you've been so kind. It's nice to talk with folks like you. You see”, he said, "I'm blind". Oh God, forgive me when I whine, I have two eyes and the world is mine. Farther on down the street, I saw a child with eyes so blue - He stood and watched the others play, as though puzzled what to do. I stopped and said, "Why don't you join the others, dear?” He looked straight ahead without a word, and then I knew he couldn't hear. Oh God, forgive my words of woe - I've eyes to see the sunsets glow. I've ears to hear what others say and legs to take me on my way. Oh God, Please God, forgive me when I whine – I am blessed indeed…and the world is mine.


I have to remember that there are people who are going through worse circumstances than I. While I am whining of the water not staying hot long enough in my shower, there is a family somewhere who won't get to take a shower today because of no running water. While I'm whining of my weight, someone is wondering where their next meal is coming from.
Oh God. Forgive me when I whine. I'm blessed indeed and the world is mine.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

I should've had a V-8

I should’ve had a V8

The can ingredients read: Tomato juice from concentrate, water, tomato paste, reconstituted vegetable juice blend, water and concentrated juice of carrots, celery, parsley, lettuce, watercress, spinach. Salt, vitamin c (absorbic acid), flavoring, citric acid. 

I have found a good way to kill some time while laughing and learning a new vocabulary. Look at the packages and even ingredients of items you buy and see how confusing they are. First, please note that I researched every product I mention in this chapter personally. These aren’t from some bogus web-site. The V8 ingredients use the word reconstituted. Does anyone know what reconstituted means? I looked it up. Reconstituted: To bring a concentrated powder form to normal strength by adding water. So I am guessing that the vegetables are processed into a dry powder then mixed with water to make a V8. That sounds like the kool-aide of veggies!

I looked on a package of the drawstring tall kitchen trash bags. It says ‘New Tear Resistant Formula‘. I immediately took one of the bags out…and tore it. Why don’t they just put ‘New Harder To Tear Formula’ on the box? The box also says 13 gallon size. Does someone actually put 13 gallons of something in these bags to verify this claim before they sell them? 

On a bottle of coke, it says in big bold letters, Pheylketonurics: contains phenylalanine. What in the name of all that is holy do either of these words mean? I can’t even pronounce them!

Isn’t it odd how most coffee you buy simply says 100% coffee, but bottled water has ingredients on the label? Have they always done that? Isn’t it just water?

On a Tesco Fruit Juice Carton, it says “Keep Upright” On bottom side!

Hershey has a new candy bar that-according to the ingredients-is made with nonfat milk, but then, they add milk fat to the ingredients to make the candy bar 12 fat grams…Why?

I looked at a box of baby wipes this morning. It said in bold letters: Keep Away From Children! Now, how are we supposed to do that when our babies are who these wipes are for?

Have you ever heard of Rain-X? You put it on your automobile windshield. It repels water when it rains for better visibility. The caution on the bottle says: ‘in case of eye contact, flush with water’. Would that even work?

I like sub-titled products and slogans. For example: Bounty, the quicker picker upper. In my cleaning cabinet I found a bottle that says: Grass and weed killer, kills weeds and grass!

Another example is a Slush Puppy Cup (On the side of the cup) it says: "This ice may be cold". What?!?

I have a hand held neck massager that says: Do not use while sleeping or unconscious. Thanks for the tip guys!

I bought one of those big lighters used for fireplaces. A caution on the lighter says: Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks. Uh…it is a lighter, right?

I think I have proven my point of how entertaining this can be. So the next time that you pick up something at the store, read the warning or cautions. Pay attention to the ingredients. This could bring many hours of fun-ness. :p


Hugs and High Fives,


Joseph